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Thu.Aug.18.2005

8:54 pm EDT        80°F (27°C) in Carlisle, PA

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I tell you, these brain-dead right-wing wackos are something else. Attacking the mother of a dead American soldier and arguing among themselves who is more “Christian” apparently represent only the tip of the iceberg, considering that Pat Robert-satan pretty much went off the deep end on this past Tuesday evening’s edition of The 700 Club. It seems that the problems inherent in rampant uncontrolled heterosexuality, namely divorce and abortion, are the fault of … you guessed it, those homosexuals.

The following is the pertinent quote uttered by Robertson: (emphasis mine)

I had interviewed a lady who was a sociologist who says “I am a lesbian,” but she described homosexuality in this term, she said, “They are self-absorbed narcissists.” I want you to put that down — self-absorbed narcissists who are willing to destroy any institution so long as they can have affirmation of their lifestyle. You go back to the various laws that took away the difficulty of getting a divorce, and the people leading the charge were homosexuals, way back in the ‘70s. So we have no-fault divorce. Who are leading the charge for abortions? So often, you’ll find people who are lesbians leading the fight for the destruction of human life. Now they want to destroy marriage.

(A QuickTime video of this segment can be found at MediaMatters.org.)

Oh, for Christ’s sake, I don’t even know where to start on this. Somebody tell me why on earth homosexuals would need to push divorce — I mean, it is largely because of the influence of Robert-satan and his ilk that 17 state constitutions specifically prohibit same-sex marriage. If we can’t marry, then we can’t divorce either, right? Divorce is entirely a heterosexual problem (except in Massachusetts, although I’m not aware of any same-sex divorces occurring there yet), so Robertson must be smoking something here.

Robert-satan’s ramblings about abortion tell us what he is smoking: a veritable cocktail of hallucinogenic substances. Let’s think here for just a second: abortion occurs when uncontrolled heterosexual behavior results in an unwanted pregnancy. It follows that abortion is a consequence of heterosexuality. By the very nature of their sexual activities, gay and lesbian people have absolutely zero need for abortion. Last I checked, the only people who promote anything are those who have a need for it — meaning Robert-satan is completely pulling this out of his (probably well-fucked by his lover Jerry Falwell) ass.

As for the “self-absorbed narcissists” bit (and you’ll notice, if you watch the above-linked QuickTime video, that Robert-satan says those words with an exceedingly dramatic flair), it seems to me that Robert-satan must have picked that one up while giving Alan Keyes a blow job. (I just knew ol’ Pat would love a gigantic black cock shoved down his throat. You know what they say — a foot long and beer-can width. )

This brings us to the curious use of the terminology “their lifestyle.” The term “the homosexual lifestyle” seems to be one of the favorite scare tactics used by Robert-satan and other Wacko Satanic Anti-American Righties. (In fact, they all use that term so much that it’s quite obvious they are intimately familiar with “the homosexual lifestyle,” likely because they live it.) Just what is this “homosexual lifestyle” of which they speak?

The “homosexual lifestyle” includes such things as driving a tractor-trailer, hauling refrigerated products over long distances for weeks at a time. The “homosexual lifestyle” involves the once-daily use of Claritin, rather than ecstasy or crystal meth. Living the “homosexual lifestyle” means not being a terribly huge fan of alcoholic beverages (although I am certainly not opposed to imbibing in moderation — it’s just that most of the time, I’m more in the mood for soft drinks, Gatorade, milk, or water). The “homosexual lifestyle” means that the only “people” you have sex with are Rosey Palms and her five sisters, and that you are HIV-negative. (Again, I’m not opposed to sex by any means, but I don’t see the point in screwing somebody I’m 99% likely to never see again. Where is the fulfillment in that? You’d have to ask some slutty hetero for that answer.)

It only occurred to me several hours after I made yesterday’s update that the words of Peter LaBarbera ring eerily true in more than just his one intended context. If we were to assume that the context was Fred Phelps’ views of gay people, then LaBarbera unwittingly speaks the truth when he says that “Phelps’ message is hardly Christian” and that “it is hard to conceive of a more inflammatory presentation of a false Gospel than his.” In fact, seeing as the genuine Biblical view of humanity is to “love your neighbor as yourself,” LaBarbera is even further speaking the truth when he says that Phelps “only fuels societal bigotry toward those who espouse genuine Biblical views on social issues like homosexuality.” Sometimes the Wacko Satanic Anti-American Righties do manage to stumble across the truth.

Speaking of Phelps, I get to head to his home state over the weekend. I will have a Monday morning delivery to make in Kansas, after which my next load will take me down to Texas. If I see anybody running over a bunch of crosses, I’ll be sure to put him on his side in the ditch.