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Terms of Use & Privacy Policy

NOTE: The Privacy Policy is incorporated into this document as part (e) below.

Visiting this site signifies that you agree to abide by these Terms of Use. Illegal use of this site in a manner inconsistent with these Terms of Use will result in legal action, whenever applicable.

(a) This is my own personal site, and it is to be used only as such. I make no warranties as to the accuracy, fitness, merchantability, or suitability of any materials on this site, nor the compatibility of this site with every possible combination of device, operating system and browser, and disclaim responsibility for any and all losses, actual or potential, that users may incur as a result of using this site. Use of this site is solely at your own risk.

(b) The opinions, thoughts, and viewpoints presented here are mine. They do not represent the opinions of any of my employers, past, present, or future. I may claim association with certain groups, companies, or people in various places on this site, but the opinions presented here are solely mine and are not representative of the opinions of said groups, companies, or people. Any attempts by said groups, companies, or people to use the materials on this site against me will be met with strong legal resistance. That is, you are not to sue me, disassociate me, fire me, or pursue any recourse against me for any lawful, non-libellous speech on this site. You’ve been warned.

(c) I make links to various sites around the Internet. The content of these sites is beyond my control, and I will not be held liable for it. I will adhere to my own personal standards of good taste in my linking practices, but I do retain my right to link to content that some visitors may consider objectionable.

(d) I may provide various forums for discussion on this site, if I so choose. I would provide these services through third-party companies. Much, if not all, of the content would be supplied by visitors to this site, and not by me. Neither I nor the companies who provide these services to me will be held liable for any content provided by any person other than myself. Furthermore, in keeping with the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, I, acting as administrator of these services, will not censor any content provided by any person other than myself, except when such content represents a direct threat to the physical safety or the legal or constitutional rights of any individual or group. You have the right to be offended by such content, but if I did not provide it, I am not responsible for it.

(e) PRIVACY POLICY: The personal information that is collected on this site is limited to names and e-mail addresses. (Nicknames or aliases are also accepted in lieu of real names, for those visitors who do not wish to share their real names.) Such information is only requested on the “Feedback” and “E-mail Me” pages, which allow visitors to send me e-mail messages; this is done solely for the purpose of allowing me to reply to such messages. I will keep this information, and all content (e.g., message bodies) of any e-mails transmitted to me, under the strictest confidence permitted by applicable law, and I will never voluntarily share it with any third party. A proper subpoena from a legitimate law enforcement agency, acting only for legitimate specific purposes, will be required before I will even consider divulging any such information.

I do reserve the right to make exceptions to this policy for e-mail messages whose contents are anti-gay, judgmental, or otherwise just plain stupid, for the purpose of publicly reviewing and criticizing the logic (or lack thereof) contained therein. Additionally, e-mails that contain anything I deem to be stalking/harassment or threats of violence toward me will be forwarded to law enforcement for criminal prosecution.

(f) Any type of plagiarism, copying, or lifting of any materials on this site (with one specific exception — see part (k)) for use on other Web sites — in whole or in part — without prior written permission from me, or any intentional misrepresentation by any other Web site that it is Larry’s Phat Page, is a violation of U.S.A. and international copyright laws and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowed by law. Limited exceptions to this policy are granted for purposes of “fair use,” such as criticism, scholarship, response, or review — if you have any doubt as to whether your intended use constitutes “fair use,” please e-mail me and I will review it. However, any transfer of the materials on this site into any paper-printed format is permitted, provided that the materials are not altered or modified in any way, and that the URL that points to the material(s) in question is included on the printed copies.

(g) Neither I nor this web site engage in the practice of sending “spam” e-mail — period. If you have received spam purporting to be from the “phatpage.org” domain, the address has been spoofed by a professional spammer, likely operating outside the U.S.A., and I have nothing to do with it. I can apologize for your inconvenience and sympathize with your distaste for spam, as I receive prolific amounts of spam myself. However, I am not responsible for spoofed “phatpage.org” addresses appearing in spam e-mails, and I will not be held liable for it.

(h) Any activities that cause or are intended to cause harm, disruption, unauthorized modification, or damage to this site or its servers, or impair anyone’s free and unfettered access to and use of this site, are prohibited. These activities may include, but are not limited to, hacking, password mining, packet sniffing or any other form of data interception, denial of service (DoS) attacks, or physical damage to any computer systems on which this site may reside. All such activities will be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowed by law.

(i) You agree that any and all legal disputes, controversies, or claims regarding this site, whether civil or criminal in nature, shall only be brought in the state courts of the U.S. state of Illinois, in the county of Cook, or the federal courts of the Northern District of Illinois, whichever level has the appropriate jurisdiction. These Terms of Use shall likewise only be construed, interpreted, and enforced according to applicable Illinois and/or U.S.A. laws.

(j) These Terms of Use may be modified at any time, without prior notification to site users. Any modifications to these Terms shall become binding as of the moment I upload the modified version of this page to my hosting server.

(k) A specific exception to part (f) of these Terms is granted for your free personal, non-commercial use of the highway shield graphics in the “Highways” section of the site. You may do anything you wish with them, except try to sell them in any manner.

Again, your visiting the site signifies that you agree to these Terms. If you disagree with any or all parts of these Terms, your recourse is limited to ceasing to visit the site. Please enjoy Larry’s Phat Page and its content, and use it in a manner consistent with these Terms of Use.